What’s the word for that?

What’s the word for that thing that happens to a lot of us when we sit down to write and everything that hits the page gets deleted? That thing happens to me where I try, I start, I might have a thread of an idea but then whatever I write seems totally fucking irrelevant, stupid, ridiculous, unoriginal and unnecessary. Hard on myself? I guess that’s a yes.

The overload or distraction has to do with that voice but at this point in the evolution of everyone saying everything out into the internet it really feels more like screaming into a void than ever. But here I am with my own little blah dee blag machine trying to say something worth saying.

When I started all this tech and digital stuff I never thought it’d get to the point where I’d be repulsed by my own addictions to it while simultaneously finding wonder in the predictive nature of the thing I’m typing into right now. So what is that word? Attention deficiency for sure but there’s something else. That discounting of my own ideas before they’re even fully formed. The destruction is strong, almost immediate and definitely constant.

“who gives a shit” “get over it” “snap out of it” “it’s not … enough”

I guess naming it with a word doesn’t really matter. Awareness is more important and I’ll keep trying to shut that all down even though it’s a force – or maybe I flip that around – I’m a force to be reckoned with 😈