The bottom line is that social shit in 2024 is bad. All. Bad. It scrambles brains, revises nervous systems and has laid bare the worst of the worst human behaviors. When I extract myself fully, I’m much better off. But when I’m in an ‘active account’ phase, I feel like crap.
Active account phase is what I’ve now come to refer to it as because I’ve created, deactivated, and deleted Facebook so many times I’ve lost count, IG is an original account that’s gone through active/inactive phases, LinkedIn has been in the same mode as IG and the bottom line is: I fucking loathe them all. High school in a pocket-sized computer.
Today I popped into my current FB account and within seconds I felt like a left out piece of shit when I saw post from my first house. Someone had visited the location because it was my parents’ first home together, too. I wished I’d been included in the sharing of a picture of the tiles of the street number. Silly, I know. But I’m feeling lonely, disconnected and raw so it hit that frayed nerve.
The real reason it hit the nerve is because I only wanted a little house here in my California location. I didn’t stand up for myself. I let other forces take me on some dumb ride that hasn’t turned out so well. I wish someone had told me it was not wrong to want the things I wanted. And to grieve them now isn’t that fucking surprising. It’s lousy that I’ve let it steal my energy, focus, investment and general level of giving-a-shit but right now that’s what’s happening. Acceptance. It’s what’s for dinner.