Month: October 2021

Hawks

I watched a crow just now hovering around a palm and had a feeling based on the chirps it was bothering a hawk. I was about to try and record with my iPhone but decided to watch with my eyes instead.

Crow flew off, then one hawk appeared. And then two others floated from the palm. All three circled each other for a second or two. One glided off into the distance, I watched until it was out of view, waiting for it to flap but it didn’t. The other two went off in the opposite direction.

You would have appreciated it. Simple. Birds. Beautiful.

The Day – that one is today

Listening to Brandi Carlile’s new album, In These Silent Days, ugly crying in the kitchen and all I want to do is share this beautiful music with you, pretend it’s another ‘ok’ day. Something about her voice, the fact that she wrote the album in the woods of the pacific northwest, a happy memory of walking in the woods with you, watching an eagle glide among the thermals. The songs brought the tears which drowned out some of the sadness.

And now, it’s Wednesday. The Day. I still can’t force my mind to accept your departure. Will you have a chance to read this? Who will I share music with now? How selfish to be thinking only of myself, my loss. What you’ve done over the years to live with the fucking cancer is an amazing gift. Every moment matters. 

I’ll miss you so much more than words could ever say. And I can’t describe my gratitude for your incredible friendship. I’m so lucky my dad chose Claremont back in the ’90’s.

This lump in my chest reminds me that I really really really don’t know how to say the goodbye part. That’s how I ended up here, back on a screen in a WordPress site named Won’t4GetYouNotes. I do like the idea of being able to keep sharing with you.

Who knows where the energy goes. All the notes, the little snapshots, a ‘roid, the glimpses of memory when it comes to me, the inside jokes, the moments. In the process of writing them down, as they come, maybe one day I’ll become as good a writer as you.

I’ll be with you at the beach for a bit in the afternoon and you’ll be a part of me forever. I love you.